diff --git a/derp/derp_server.go b/derp/derp_server.go
index 9fe36a524..c45db299f 100644
--- a/derp/derp_server.go
+++ b/derp/derp_server.go
@@ -1609,20 +1609,12 @@ func (s *Server) expVarFunc(f func() interface{}) expvar.Func {
 	})
 }
 
-func currentFDs() int {
-	// TODO(bradfitz): this could be more efficient, without making so much
-	// garbage. Probably doesn't matter but a Linux-only fast path would be
-	// reasonable for us using something like goimport's fastwalk.
-	ents, _ := os.ReadDir("/proc/self/fd")
-	return len(ents)
-}
-
 // ExpVar returns an expvar variable suitable for registering with expvar.Publish.
 func (s *Server) ExpVar() expvar.Var {
 	m := new(metrics.Set)
 	m.Set("gauge_memstats_sys0", expvar.Func(func() interface{} { return int64(s.memSys0) }))
 	m.Set("gauge_watchers", s.expVarFunc(func() interface{} { return len(s.watchers) }))
-	m.Set("gauge_current_file_descriptors", expvar.Func(func() interface{} { return currentFDs() }))
+	m.Set("gauge_current_file_descriptors", expvar.Func(func() interface{} { return metrics.CurrentFDs() }))
 	m.Set("gauge_current_connections", &s.curClients)
 	m.Set("gauge_current_home_connections", &s.curHomeClients)
 	m.Set("gauge_clients_total", expvar.Func(func() interface{} { return len(s.clientsMesh) }))
diff --git a/metrics/fds_linux.go b/metrics/fds_linux.go
new file mode 100644
index 000000000..4fc8c1870
--- /dev/null
+++ b/metrics/fds_linux.go
@@ -0,0 +1,13 @@
+// Copyright (c) 2021 Tailscale Inc & AUTHORS All rights reserved.
+// Use of this source code is governed by a BSD-style
+// license that can be found in the LICENSE file.
+
+package metrics
+
+import "os"
+
+func currentFDs() int {
+	// TODO(bradfitz): do this without so many allocations on Linux.
+	ents, _ := os.ReadDir("/proc/self/fd")
+	return len(ents)
+}
diff --git a/metrics/fds_notlinux.go b/metrics/fds_notlinux.go
new file mode 100644
index 000000000..87cc8e4a0
--- /dev/null
+++ b/metrics/fds_notlinux.go
@@ -0,0 +1,10 @@
+// Copyright (c) 2021 Tailscale Inc & AUTHORS All rights reserved.
+// Use of this source code is governed by a BSD-style
+// license that can be found in the LICENSE file.
+
+//go:build !linux
+// +build !linux
+
+package metrics
+
+func currentFDs() int { return 0 }
diff --git a/metrics/metrics.go b/metrics/metrics.go
index d057f270c..bc19a1849 100644
--- a/metrics/metrics.go
+++ b/metrics/metrics.go
@@ -47,3 +47,10 @@ func (m *LabelMap) GetFloat(key string) *expvar.Float {
 	m.AddFloat(key, 0.0)
 	return m.Map.Get(key).(*expvar.Float)
 }
+
+// CurrentFDs reports how many file descriptors are currently open.
+//
+// It only works on Linux. It returns zero otherwise.
+func CurrentFDs() int {
+	return currentFDs()
+}
diff --git a/metrics/metrics_test.go b/metrics/metrics_test.go
new file mode 100644
index 000000000..ee9d3c1d5
--- /dev/null
+++ b/metrics/metrics_test.go
@@ -0,0 +1,28 @@
+// Copyright (c) 2021 Tailscale Inc & AUTHORS All rights reserved.
+// Use of this source code is governed by a BSD-style
+// license that can be found in the LICENSE file.
+
+package metrics
+
+import (
+	"runtime"
+	"testing"
+)
+
+func TestCurrentFileDescriptors(t *testing.T) {
+	if runtime.GOOS != "linux" {
+		t.Skipf("skipping on %v", runtime.GOOS)
+	}
+	if n := CurrentFDs(); n < 3 {
+		t.Errorf("got %v; want >= 3", n)
+	} else {
+		t.Logf("got %v", n)
+	}
+}
+
+func BenchmarkCurrentFileDescriptors(b *testing.B) {
+	b.ReportAllocs()
+	for i := 0; i < b.N; i++ {
+		_ = CurrentFDs()
+	}
+}